***

This state I am in…

I want to pour paint into matter

Wildly I want it all to let go,

explosion of thoughts ruptured to feelings

all gathered and shot at a canvas..

I don’t want completeness, linearity of expression

And shortness suggesting deepening thinking

Cause how can a mind fragmented in patterns

See itself clear and whole in а meaning

I don’t want an easel with light legs and nails

One breath is enough to blow it away

It’s too much precarious

For so much emotions

And little, and narrow, and thin, and unfit..

For so much passions stirring the water

Wild and boiling in this body container

I want a canvas twice as my stature

I want it fixed firm on the ground.

And let the ground be vertical static!

As static as all earthly winds in a stupor

I want all my feelings straight in a bucket

I want them all shatter and clatter

And fingers so strong as to heave

This passionful bottomless bucket..

And splash the canvas all over with it..

I want splashes larger than life

Yellow in color, whizz through the air,

And split it in atoms, and split the time pattern

And fall on the canvas with the heaviest crash

that heaviness’s ever been dimly aware..